Cheer up

Please I don’t want to hear it

Your words ring hollow

They don’t mean a thing

They just create a hollow thumping

An insane banging inside my brain

I would if I could

But I can’t

Not because I won’t

But for the reason that I am broken

My wires are crossed

My circuits are fried

All I carry inside is darkness

A lonely that never goes

How many times can I explain I can’t just wish this away?

All this anxiety


Nowhere to go

A future uncertain

A past hiding around every corner


So close

Yet somehow just out of reach

Ready to go crazy

Yet never crossing the threshold

So for sanity’s sake

I write

Every night emptying the bucket

Purging myself of the day almost past

Only knowing tomorrow it will fill itself full again

And I

Will be

As always

Same time

Same place



Just more meaningless vomit upon a once clean page…

I Don’t

I don’t want to hurt anymore

I don’t want to cry

I don’t want to live

I don’t want to die

Can’t stand to be busy

Can’t stand to be idle

Just stuck watching time pass

The clock moving backwards

Life unraveling

Waking up the next day

Wondering where the last 25 years went

I don’t want to hurt anymore

I don’t want to cry

But tonight as I think back

I can’t feel anything more than totally helpless…


Wonderful comments on the last post kept me on the Alice theme for this one also. I guess it’s part 2.

Down in a hole

A rabbit hole so to speak

Trapped in total darkness

Yet movement

Unseen eyes staring

Looking right through me

Reaching out

Grabbing hold

Tearing my soul loose from its foundation

Grinning in delight as I slowly deflate



Back down


Into a hole

A rabbit hole so to speak…


Driven back underground
Deep into the rabbit hole

Lost in this maze
Yet safe from the light

But terrified of what tomorrow brings

My worst enemy

My best friend

Caught between worlds

But never living

Once again
Deep in the rabbit hole

Just me


In total darkness

Staring face to face with something evil

Toe to toe with something I cannot control…


A last-minute race

To the finish line

Razor blade

Tiny lines

Releasing demons

Each time going further

Deeper in

Thicker and longer scars

Harder to hide


Causing anxiety

Shallow breathing

Gasping for air

Round and round

Vicious circle



Panic attack

Over and over again



Never ending

One day

Found dead

On the short end

Of a rope

Swinging joyfully

Free from all this madness…