Sober


Sober reminder

Through calloused fingers

Sand slipping

Existence leaking

Falling gently

Violently

A gentle cascade

A violent stop

A sudden ending

No warning

Just reality

All these years

Just wasted life…

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Vomit


Cheer up

Please I don’t want to hear it

Your words ring hollow

They don’t mean a thing

They just create a hollow thumping

An insane banging inside my brain

I would if I could

But I can’t

Not because I won’t

But for the reason that I am broken

My wires are crossed

My circuits are fried

All I carry inside is darkness

A lonely that never goes

How many times can I explain I can’t just wish this away?

All this anxiety

Overflowing

Nowhere to go

A future uncertain

A past hiding around every corner

Insanity

So close

Yet somehow just out of reach

Ready to go crazy

Yet never crossing the threshold

So for sanity’s sake

I write

Every night emptying the bucket

Purging myself of the day almost past

Only knowing tomorrow it will fill itself full again

And I

Will be

As always

Same time

Same place

Pen

Paper

Just more meaningless vomit upon a once clean page…

I Don’t


I don’t want to hurt anymore

I don’t want to cry

I don’t want to live

I don’t want to die

Can’t stand to be busy

Can’t stand to be idle

Just stuck watching time pass

The clock moving backwards

Life unraveling

Waking up the next day

Wondering where the last 25 years went

I don’t want to hurt anymore

I don’t want to cry

But tonight as I think back

I can’t feel anything more than totally helpless…

Down


Wonderful comments on the last post kept me on the Alice theme for this one also. I guess it’s part 2.

Down in a hole

A rabbit hole so to speak

Trapped in total darkness

Yet movement

Unseen eyes staring

Looking right through me

Reaching out

Grabbing hold

Tearing my soul loose from its foundation

Grinning in delight as I slowly deflate

Shrinking

Slithering

Back down

Deeper

Into a hole

A rabbit hole so to speak…

Underground


Driven back underground
Deep into the rabbit hole

Lost in this maze
Yet safe from the light

Comfortable
But terrified of what tomorrow brings

Darkness
My worst enemy

Darkness
My best friend

Trapped
Caught between worlds

Breathing
Conscious
But never living

Once again
Deep in the rabbit hole

Just me

Alone

In total darkness

Staring face to face with something evil

Toe to toe with something I cannot control…

Race


A last-minute race

To the finish line

Razor blade

Tiny lines

Releasing demons

Each time going further

Deeper in

Thicker and longer scars

Harder to hide

Ugly

Causing anxiety

Shallow breathing

Gasping for air

Round and round

Vicious circle

Blade

Release

Panic attack

Over and over again

Relentless

Consuming

Never ending

One day

Found dead

On the short end

Of a rope

Swinging joyfully

Free from all this madness…