Vomit


Cheer up

Please I don’t want to hear it

Your words ring hollow

They don’t mean a thing

They just create a hollow thumping

An insane banging inside my brain

I would if I could

But I can’t

Not because I won’t

But for the reason that I am broken

My wires are crossed

My circuits are fried

All I carry inside is darkness

A lonely that never goes

How many times can I explain I can’t just wish this away?

All this anxiety

Overflowing

Nowhere to go

A future uncertain

A past hiding around every corner

Insanity

So close

Yet somehow just out of reach

Ready to go crazy

Yet never crossing the threshold

So for sanity’s sake

I write

Every night emptying the bucket

Purging myself of the day almost past

Only knowing tomorrow it will fill itself full again

And I

Will be

As always

Same time

Same place

Pen

Paper

Just more meaningless vomit upon a once clean page…

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I Don’t


I don’t want to hurt anymore

I don’t want to cry

I don’t want to live

I don’t want to die

Can’t stand to be busy

Can’t stand to be idle

Just stuck watching time pass

The clock moving backwards

Life unraveling

Waking up the next day

Wondering where the last 25 years went

I don’t want to hurt anymore

I don’t want to cry

But tonight as I think back

I can’t feel anything more than totally helpless…

Tonight


Tonight I write with a heavy heart

My words tainted

Jaded

Forged in anger

Mad at God

The Devil

Hating everything

Everyone

Emotions raw

Still bottled

Unwilling

Not ready to release

Tonight I write with a heavy heart

For you have slipped from our grasp

Ascended to a higher place

Answered to a greater calling

Tonight I write with a somber tone

For brain cancer has claimed another victim…

This Year So Far


This year so far really sucks

It needs to go away

And not too soon

And not fast enough

Got through the first of January without a worry

Then came the second

AND BOOM!!!!

Everything went to hell

Three cases of cancer

Two broken ankles

And one trip to the ER for an asthma attack

I am stressed

I am strained

And about three seconds from running away and joining the circus

So come on God

What else you going to throw at me?

Give it your best shot

How about a lightening bolt from above?

Maybe frogs

No you would never do that

I love the legs

Deep fried and covered in garlic, pepper and hot sauce

So I would be denied that tasty treasure

Why I don’t know

You tell me…you have got all the answers

Now I sit pondering this six-week disaster

Angry at God

But happy with a rare moment to myself

Zoning out

I can feel my heartbeat

I can hear myself exhale

I start to relax

Then a voice whispers in the back of my brain

You forgot to take the trash out

And of course your shoes are off

Can’t go barefoot

Too cold

Freeze my toes

Nine degrees

Ten feet of snow

So right there!

With that!

I proved my point

Ha ha very funny God

Now back the #@$! up

Really

I am serious

Back off

You are really starting to put a strain on our relationship…

Back In Time (re post) I need at least a thought of spring.


Thinking back
Back in time

A field of green
Chalky white dirt

Blue sky’s
So bright burning the eyes

Only one ball
The warm smell of a dirty worn glove

Flattened empty cups as bases
Call your field
Not enough players

The crack of a bat
Ghost runner at first

Pitcher
Catcher
Infield or out

Every position
Playing them all

Umpire by committee
Fair or foul
Everyone has a say

No fights
No arguments
Just loving the game

Shared gloves
Unless you got mine

Who’s the lefty?
What the!!!
I can’t use this!!!

Some unknown kids bat
Left from last night

No sunglasses
Didn’t need them
Just your dirty old hat

Water from the hose
Communal
Frozen in an old milk jug

Playing till dark
Can’t see the ball
Mosquitos eating everyone alive

Call it a day
Can you play tomorrow?

Running home
Missed dinner
Oh well

To bed hungry
But not a care

Drifting off to sleep
Smells and sounds thick like fog
Ready to awake and play again

Tonight
Going back in time

Remembering the game I love…

Reponse


A response to my last write from my FB page. Way to good not to share thanks Ros

And who am I?
Who do you think I am?
A lover, a fighter?
A friend or a foe?
A millionaire or a beggar?
A poet, a painter?
Even a doctor or a manager?
The beginning of the end?
A singer or a dancer?
Or is it something more?
Who am I?
How long is the list?
Before I can get to you?