Silent

On a night such as this
Cold
Dark
Damp

I regress
I reflect
I neglect

Regress in thoughts
Reflect back to the past
Neglect the present

On this night
Like every other

Solitary
Confined
Trapped

Solitary by choice
Confined by life
Trapped within my own dark mind

On a night such as this
Cold
Dark
Damp

I
Shunned by some
Understood by only one

Sit alone
Pondering
A wry smile crossing

Embracing
No longer denying
My anxiety
My solitude

My silent darkness that consumes…

Contradiction

Clock strikes
Light flickers
Energy burned

Pain and tears
Wandering in darkness
Broken beyond repair

Thinking
Twisting
Turning
Mind all a mess

Longing to hold
Fearful to touch
Mixed emotions
Eons ago became too much

Conflicted inside
For somehow
If I managed a smile
I might just miss all this twisted agony

Suicide thoughts
As common as breathing

The burning in my chest ironically carries me
Spurs me
Wills me
Keeps me going

Alive but dead
I hate what I have become

Mixed up
Wound up
Lost within

Almost happy
Then crashing again

I long to break from this shell
But don’t think I could handle less stress

So here I will just be

Confused
Contradicted
Slightly angry
And mostly depressed…

Secrets

Secrets kept
Never to be let out

Fantasies played
Dirty dirty little things

Sweating bodies
Grinding flesh

Raking nails
Bites
Screams moans and giggles

Exploring
Devouring

Ropes
Whips
Wicked red lips

Secrets hidden
Locked behind closed doors

Twisted sheets
Broken vows

Going long
Going hard
Leaving no regrets

Shaking
Tangled

Smiling
Resting for more

Secretly…
Gently…
Just holding you in my arms…

Transformed

Inspiration sometimes comes from the strangest places. Plunge cut remove from an infomercial at 3am sent me scrambling for my pen and notebook.
I think I owe my muse a beer for this one 🙂

Heart
Torn out

Home surgery
Basic tools

Hands
Knife

Swift
Sharp

Simple action

Plunge
Cut
Remove

Cursed
Not needed
Cause of weakness

Pulled out
Thrown down

Stomped
Kicked into a hole

Buried deep
Never to be found

Starting over
Now completely heartless

Icy
Frozen
Demonic

Flying low
Intent on destruction

A predator
A user
A murderer

Reaper
Collector
Stone cold killer

Tables turned

No longer the victim…

On Wings

Locked in a cage
Trapped in a tower

Hidden away
Darkness reigning

Safe from the world
High above all its pain

Never venturing
Afraid to stray

Bound
Chained
Self imposed exile

Fearful
Trapped
Imprisoned within my mind

Wings of black
Terror inside

Darkness never-ending
Pain never leaving

Tonight no fear
A new beginning

Risen from crawling
Standing strong on unstable feet

On the ledge
Finally the courage

A leap of faith
A test of strength

Breaking free
Soon to soar on wings of white

Thank you

First thing I have to thank Seeking Utopia for this honor

And now the hard part several things I have to say about my self

So here goes

1 I am 42 years old

2 I have 5 children 19 15 13 12 and 9months. My oldest in the Air Force in Germany

3 I have chronic depression.

4 Drinking depression and pills don’t go together. I learned the hard way

5 Everything I write comes from an experience in my past

6 I used to hide my writings from the world

7 I never thought anyone could relate to my work…I still can’t believe all the wonderful comments and how fast my page has grown in such a short time. 🙂

And now I would like to nominate several others for this award also

1 http:/lostinthearmsofdestiny.wordpress.com

2 http:/becomingbitter.wordpress.com

3 http;/lillyklynn.wordpress.com

4 http:/regularteenageworld.com

Final Words

Clouded eyes
Dropped upon broken knees

Once strong
Now fallen like a star

Words pierce deep
Silence rips like bullets

Set afire
No water to quench the flame

Burned alive
Broken and crazed

I watch you turn our back and walk away…

Cold

Cold inside
Frozen in time

Shivering
Shaking

Endless dark
Never a light

Huddled
Lost
No warmth to be found

Turning
Endless circles

Looking
Searching

Blind
Never finding

Darkness
Lost belief

So cold
Standing on death’s door

Hopeless
Helpless
Freezing to death

Your words
Your lies
Your stare

Nuclear winter
No thaw in sight

In due time
My own extinction

Permafrost encasing my heart…

Gently Into The Sunset

Wind blows softly through the trees
Gently caressing every branch and leaf
Sun bathing all in its warmth
Cloudless sky making one remember forgotten day’s
Memories rushing like the tides
Unstoppable in their rise
For a moment fears exiled
Anxiety put into a corner
Doubt and regret retreat and surrender
Conscious clear
Road straight
Ahead you playfully run away from me
Looking back laughing
Grinning
Soul so free
Sweet scent of your perfume drifting in the breeze
Reacting
Sprinting
Tackling you down
Grabbing your hand as we fall to the ground
Catching your gaze
Laughing out loud
Enjoying every moment of beauty I have found
Dear Lord may this day never end
For this must be as close to heaven as it gets
Just you and I
Walking
Talking
Never looking back