Rage And Thumb (an older write I dug up)

Mama’s rage
Papa’s thumb
Prying eyes from someone else

Ran
Dragged
Pulled
Pushed

Every direction
All at the same time

Decisions
Pre determined

Fate played it’s straight

I only two pair
Ace’s and eight’s
The dead man’s hand

Stuck now
Trapped
stretched to the limit

In the middle
Never a chosen side

Chained to the new
Crushing weight of the old

Unstable
Cracked
Pieces of sanity long fallen off

Yet
Always a perfect smile
A polite hello

Everything hidden
An invisible veil

Secret scars
Endless nights

Mama’s rage
Papa’s thumb
Others prying eyes

Had bigger dreams….

Didn’t choose this life…

Dear Lord

Dear Lord

Why do I feel so forsaken?

Kicked

Punched

Left for dead

Beaten and bloody

Curled in a ball

Crawling on a broken glass floor

A floor that was once a ceiling

A ceiling with no boundaries

Unlimited possibilities that all at once came crashing down

Dear Lord

In this time of trial

Problems lined up like rail cars

These burdens slowly killing my heart and mind

I ask you

Please help me

Or just let me die

Dear Lord

I just can’t take anymore…

Thirsting (repost)

Many pieces
So many questions

Life’s uneven rhythm
Pulse begins to race
Then becomes faint and weak

No interest
No desire

Uncontrolled longing
Raging lust

Sober heartache
Drunken smile

Angels watching
Demons abound

Right place
Wrong time

So many pieces
So many mistakes

All this dreaming
All wasted time

Puzzle of my heart
Scattered
Missing a part

Worthless
Unconnected
Withering
Dying

Thirsting for your love…

In my Head

In my head

Where sweet voices mask evil intentions

I stand silent

A deer in the headlights

Afraid to run

Scared to leave what will never be

In my head

Where smiling skeletons jump from every closet

Black clouds shelter the boogeyman

Day and night slipping from the shadows

Non stop

Unrelenting

A brutal continuous frontal assault upon my sanity

In my head

Where sweet dreams once played

Now each withered and dead from useless medication

Stress

Anxiety

Unable to sleep

And then the final straw

You my princess

The one who left without saying a word

In my head

Only twisted chaos

Words unspoken

Thoughts of a deranged man

Wishing for what will never be

In my head

My hands

In my heart

A tug of war

In my day-to-day

Forever trapped within your spell…

Red Circles

Cigarette long ago extinguished
Lying sideways
Bent dry and twisted

Chair cold and unoccupied
Fingerprints and lipstick on the glass you drank from
Sliver of fading daylight illuminating the room

Sun setting
Moon rising
Soon the night will be the only witness

There
On scene
First hand account of the crime

Sworn in
No lies
Never a doubt about the truth

Cigarette

Red lipstick

A half empty glass

Packing my bag

Memories too thick

All I smell is your perfume

All I see are the red circles from your lipstick…

A Fire

I sense a fire

Not of the heart

Not of the mind

But from some unknown place

I see the flames

I smell the smoke

I project myself into the hell

An inferno

Everything burning

Memories

Possessions

A past

A present

And now an uncertain future

I sense a fire

I feel the scorching heat

I am standing in the flames

Confused and helpless

Lost in foreign place

Through the smoke

I see your figure

Silent

Still

Pleading

Begging for mercy

Praying for the flames to end…

Chasing

Chasing your ghost

Hiding away

Pouring out on paper what torments my soul

You

Out there

Nowhere to be found

Yet pushing the invisible needle deep into my veins

Keeping me hooked

Always seeking the next fix

Looking for that first time high

Vicious circle

Pain

Pleasure

Addiction

Total mindless ruin

Yet I still chase your ghost

And I don’t know why…

You Said

You said that you would always be here

You said

You promised

I believed that you would never leave

Then the silence

The denial

The hollow sound of your soul vomiting out just one more lie

You said that you would always be here

To help

To listen

To just be there

Now after so long sitting in bitter silence

I have shed the veil of darkness

Flung up the shade

Opened the window

And now shout at the top of my lungs

Lying bitch!!!

Burn in hell!!!

You of all people!!!

I would never have believed that you would become

Just another on life’s pile of false friends…

Train Wreck

I am the train wreck

Launched into nowhere

Left for dead inside my own tangled mess

Twisted steel

Broken glass

Large and small fires

Smoldering embers

Screams mixed with silent flashes of light

Torn flesh

Bare feet

Shards of life imbedded into my skin

A curse and a prideful reminder of who I am

Yet everything hidden

Invisible to the worlds calloused prying eyes

I am the train wreck

It’s just me

It’s who I am

And with that I have come to terms…

Nothing

Nothing in this life

Nothing in the universe

Nothing could have prepared me for this

This revelation

This light that suddenly came on

The moment when I realized

You were nothing

Are nothing

And never will be anything

Except a weathered old distant memory…